Dialog 1: Mechanics and Pacing

MECHANICS

Here's something they don't teach you in school. How to punctuate dialog. When you submit a story for publication they can spot you as an amateur right away if you get your commas and periods mixed up.

"Give me my book," Sarah said.
 I asked, "What book?"
 VS.
"Give me my book." Sarah leaned so close I could feel her hot breath on my nose.
I backed away. "What book?"

To understand how to punctuate dialog, first you need to know the difference between a tag and a beat. A tag is like a label. It just tells the reader who said something. A beat is a sentence. It can stand on its own.

Tags:
Sarah said
I asked
Beats:
Sarah leaned so close I could feel her hot breath on my nose
I backed away

When you pair a line of dialog with a tag, separate them with a comma.
If you use a beat, separate with periods.

PACING

"Give me," Sarah leaned close, "my book." I could feel her hot breath on my nose. "NOW!"

If you want, you can insert beats or tags when you want the reader to feel a pause in a sentence. In this case, since you're breaking up the dialog in the middle of a sentence, go ahead and use a comma even if what follows is a beat. But at the end of a sentence of dialog, put a period.

"What book?" I backed away. "Did I take your book?" I eased the toe of my shoe a little further under the couch to make sure the spine of the book was out of sight. "I didn't see any book here," I said. "Did you?"

You can also break up several sentences of dialog with tags or beats to indicate that a character is speaking haltingly. This is an advanced technique and should be used sparingly. It can get annoying if you constantly switch back and forth between dialog and tags or beats, but it can also be very effective.

And don't forget to put a paragraph break between different speakers. Also, if you have the same speaker go on uninterrupted for more than one paragraph, it is a really good idea to start the new paragraph with a tag or beat so the reader knows you are not changing speakers. 

Keep writing!

How to Create Tension... or Destroy It

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary says that tension is "a balance maintained in an artistic work between opposing forces or elements." Greater opposing forces means greater tension. So if you want tension to be high, then whatever it is your character has to oppose, make it the biggest, baddest thing possible.

Where do you need tension in the story? It should be present in your first line to create a strong hook for the reader. Tension is what will keep your reader turning pages through that muddle in the middle. When you reach the end of the story, build tension to its highest peak and then let it off at the climax for a totally satisfying ending. Basically, you need tension throughout a story, but rather than making a steady climb from the opening line to the climax, tension should rise and fall to create a thrilling emotional ride. 

At our meeting we brainstormed some ways to make tension rise in a story:

• Make something bad happen. This makes the reader feel like something else bad is going to happen.
• Put a time-bomb in the story. Give the characters a deadline. Be home by midnight or you're a pumpkin.
• Place obstacles between your characters and their desires. The bigger the obstacle and the greater the desire, the more tension this will create. This obstacle can come from the outside, but sometimes it is even better for the obstacle to come from the inside. Does your character have conflicting desires that combine to undermine?
• A near miss can raise tension, such as a bullet flying past a character's ear, or a swerve-and-swipe rather than a head-on collision. But don't overdo this one or the reader will start to think you haven't got the guts to make something really bad happen.
• Lean, fast-paced prose won't raise tension by itself, but it will allow it to steam ahead unhindered.
• Change the game. This falls under the category of "obstacles," but it involves such a big obstacle that the characters' plans to resolve the conflict are completely overturned.

On the other hand, here are some things we thought of that will deflate tension:

• Losing your audience's willing suspension of disbelief.
• Unsympathetic characters. If the reader doesn't care, the reader feels no tension.
• Resolutions of problems that come too easy.
• Pointless rambling on the part of the author.
• Any emotional release by the characters, such as laughing or crying.
• Characters that are too indecisive. A character can wonder what to do, but flip-flopping is tedious and irritating to the reader.
• Lack of story progress.

Remember, tension is the engine that drives story. If you haven't got it, your story goes nowhere.

Keep writing!